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Keywords:

• It's hard picking what to wear

Comment: when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.

Keywords:

• oohh my god

Comment: I hid a wine bottle in my boot

Keywords:

• I don't know where I am

Comment: but there are firefighters

Keywords:

• I can't believe they dont sell booze

Comment: Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work

Keywords:

• My friends they love my intelligence

Keywords:

• My life. Always pantsless

Comment: and occasionally topless.

Keywords:

• i like feelif swiord

Comment: YOU ARE A GOD

Keywords:

• I love you more with every blowjob.

Keywords:

• hell hath no fury like

Comment: a questionably-gay best friend scorned

Keywords:

• Are you done yet?

Comment: I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.

Keywords:

• and after i failed the breathalyzer

Comment: i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"

Keywords:

• I had to drink heavily last night

Comment: because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.

Keywords:

• I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK

Comment: WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW

Keywords:

• I think I'm finally maturing.

Comment: I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

Keywords:

• You went on the date?

Comment: His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???